I'd like to start this post by affirming my steady grasp on reality. And to announce that I have 16 days to go on my no pants journey. However, I'd also like to suggest that the Lima City School District take the time to make their salary data more accessible.
We all know that education is where the real money is. How else would Emma Pillsbury be able to drop close to an average of over a thousand bucks an episode for new clothes?
Option A. Heiress and descendant of Charles Alfred Pillsbury, flour industrialist.
Option B. Luck and the power of the Island.
Option C. Television isn't real.
So we can safely eliminate Option C. But I think the rest will have to remain a mystery. In a moment of sheer curiousity a few weeks ago, I decided to total up the Pillsbury wardrobe. Any guesses to the grand amount? First, count down with me over Emma's ten most costly clothing items (based on retail price of IDed items).
10. Juicy Couture Ruffle Puff Pea Coat $398
9. Kate Spade Floral Josie Dress $445
8. Kate Spade Josie Jacquard Dress $445
7. Marc by Marc Jacobs Brodie Dress $458
6. Dolce & Gabbana Angie T-Strap Heels $495
5. Valentino Red Bow Dress $595
4. Kate Spade Studio Mona Coat $745
3. Marc by Marc Jacobs Wool Felt Trench Coat $770
2. J Crew Silk Gazar Nanami Gown $2,295
1. Ralph Lauren Fair Isle Sweater Vest
Cost: 2 failed marriages and 2+ years of sexual tension.
Another fun fact: The episode with the highest Pillsbury retail clothing total was Sectionals (1.13), at a whopping $4,913.
Adding all the IDed items up, we get a total retail value of $22,125.
For those of you who are wondering, that's more than half of the average salary for a 32-year-old Guidance Counselor in the Lima City School District. Total in the cost of a condo mortgage payment and about 75 pounds of grapes a month, and it just doesn't fit. So where do you think she gets her money? Leave a comment below.
For those of you looking to bag some of these items, I'd encourage you not to be disheartened. eBay has some awesome finds.
And in the words of the great Cosmo Kramer, "Retail is for suckers."